ASSERTIVENESS – An effective tool to make your point
Improving Quality of Life
Anger, when uncontrolled, leads to
aggression. Aggressive people are prone to bursts of anger and will have
frequent violent eruptions even when unprovoked. They insist that they are
always right, even their wrong is right, and others are always wrong.
As against this, passive people think
that they could be anyway wrong, accept the wrong by others to be okay, and think
others are always right.
Both these are extremes and are hurtful. Aggressive people hurt others whereas submissive people hurt themselves. While one is dominated by anger (See Can we manage Anger?), the other is conquered by fear.
The solution is to develop
assertiveness. Assertion considers that it doesn’t matter who is right or wrong,
as long as what works and what doesn’t, is clear to both parties. Assertive people
strive towards making it effective.
Tough situations
We encounter tough situations that
demand our responses. We can neither keep quiet and allow others to dominate us
nor show anger and allow others to find fault in us. Consider the following
situations, for example.
The cab driver is late in picking
you up and you are in a hurry
The fruit vendor has cheated you
with rotten fruits
A close friend or relative tells
you a lie
You are in a hurry and someone
jumps your queue
An agent asks a bribe for getting
your things done
Think of what would you do in these situations? Neither aggression nor submission is going to help you solve the problem!
🔔 TIP from Swach Chetan 🔔
Do not justify your aggressiveness or your passivity
Nature of an assertive person
An assertive person can think from
the other person’s perspective. They make judgments based on reasoning and put
forth ideas calmly. They think that it is better to consider the pros and cons
of the action rather than arguing ‘I am always right!’
When there are differences, the
assertive person can convince the others. Respecting others’ feelings and
beliefs results in others accepting our feelings and beliefs.
The assertion has both aggressive
and submissive qualities balanced. In some situations, the assertive person can
be a little forceful, and in some other situations, there is a show of
non-violence.
Steps to develop Assertiveness
Being assertive makes us more
mature in our daily interactions. We no longer think that we are responsible
for the world around us. We no longer take the blame for everything that goes
wrong.
Whoever accuses us will have to
justify such an accusation to make us accept it. We know what our needs are and
we are not crossing any limits to get to satisfy our needs.
We neither bully others nor are subservient to others. We neither dominate others around us nor do we allow others to control us.
Assertion becomes an asset provided we follow these six parameters in our life.
These are explained under A S S E R T.
ASSURE yourself of your self-worth.
As long as there is self-respect, we can respect others, too. Cultivate a sense
of pride irrespective of your level of achievement. There is no need to compare
yourself with others and either overestimate others or belittle others. Each
person has the dignity to live and let live.
SHARE your thoughts and feelings without sin and guilt attached to them.
Sometimes, we hide a few facts about ourselves in front of others. This is not necessary because the truth will always come out. There is nothing to be ashamed of because each person has a past that deserves to be forgotten. At the same time, we boast about ourselves in front of others to elevate our position. This is also unnecessary because our deeds reflect our personality more than our words.
STAND UP with self-confidence whenever your or others’ rights are questioned.
As long as we are performing our duties, no one can steal our rights. We have a place and position in society. No one can claim a higher or better position because society runs efficiently only when all its members perform their duties. Initially, you may feel alone when you stand up against a wrong. But gradually, others will join you and help you.
ENSURE emotional balance unless it is an emergency and ensure an internal locus of control.
Let not others influence your emotional state. When you maintain your calm during an altercation, you will have a greater chance of success. People are deft in manipulation and control, too. Don’t give in to such influences and always try to think rationally. Rational thinking keeps away emotional thinking.
REMOVE feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, impatience, and rejection.
Try not to be desperate in your negotiations. Rather than winning or losing, our objective should be to make sure that all the parties involved benefit. Do not be vulnerable to threats or enticements. Do not be in a hurry to solve problems. Show your tolerance so that your interactions are fruitful. Don’t deny yourself the luxury of enjoyment in life.
TOLERATE frustration, ambiguity, irrationality, impulsiveness, and pressure.
It is easy to get frustrated because of us getting blocked from reaching our goals (See Types of Distress and how to overcome them?) Find alternatives or persist with your approach until you reach the goal. Do not be uncertain and apprehensive of either your method or the outcome. Do not give in to illogical conclusions nor allow others to sabotage your line of thinking. Do not yield to pressure coming from the outside or inside you.
We encounter hundreds of situations every day that require some kind of intervention to correct it. Do we burst out or do we succumb to the pressure? The choice is ours.
Try to follow these six steps of ASSERT mentioned above to cultivate your assertiveness.
To take charge of our lives we have to follow these 10 steps mentioned here:
WHO IS IN CHARGE OF OUR LIVES?
Also, go through this article:
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