 |
| Photo by Ono Kosuki from Pexels |
These
are the two biggest questions that have haunted the philosophers time and
again. However, we need not have to have
a philosophical outlook but a realistic one to answer these questions.
We
may get lost analyzing philosophically and may not be able to achieve something
in our lives.
There
are four major aspects about ourselves that we need to take stock of, now and
then: our thoughts, our feelings, our perceptions, and our actions. All these four aspects have two directions –
positive and negative. Our task is to
increase positive and reduce negative qualities.
Thoughts
Let us first
consider our thoughts. We have negative
thoughts about things, ideas, facts, objects, places, other people as well as
ourselves. Most of the time negative
thoughts about us indicating “I can’t do it”, “It is very difficult for me” and
“others are better than me” are a result of what gets recorded during our
childhood days. We somehow tend to
remember negative things about ourselves rather than positive things.
At
other times, we tend to overestimate our abilities and have false belief
systems about us. Just because we are
better than a few people we know, does not mean that we are omnipotent.
This
is where we need to critically examine our thoughts and discover how much of
these thoughts are objective! Are these
thoughts coming in the way of our development?
In such a case, do they need to be changed?
Feelings
The same things
hold good for our feelings, too. Feelings about oneself and feelings about
others should be positive rather than negative. Differences of opinion should
not affect our emotions. We must not hoard our ill feelings. Others are
critical of us because they want us to change for the better. Instead of showing
negative emotions like anger, fear, jealousy, we must find out their intentions
and try to modify our behaviors accordingly.
If they are wrong,
then try to convince them with your point of view. When you discuss things with
someone, there are greater chances of them approving your position.
Perceptions
Most people have
an undermining self-perception. They remember their failure rather than success.
This makes them dependent on others. So, have short-term goals that are reachable
and give credit to yourself for achieving the same.
Do not compare
yourself with others. When we compare, we subjectively pick up those attributes
that put us in a bad light. Instead, see what you can learn from others and
seek their help only when needed.
Actions
How confidently do
we engage in activities is reflected in our actions. Social relationships are
mainly dependent on our behavior that is noticeable by others. Rather than allow
others to judge us, it is better to be consistent in our actions.
Are we able to
work independently and efficiently in whatever we do? We need to evaluate objectively whether these
are real or not. We must continue to
re-evaluate time and again and revise opinions, beliefs, and attitudes about
us.
Managing self
Rather
than dwelling upon what constitutes self-management, it is better to consider
what happens when we do not manage ourselves.
We
will not be able to put our minds to do anything. We keep postponing doing things. We become lazy and lethargic. We are not able to set goals. We have difficulty in achieving what we set
out to do. We cannot concentrate. Our memory fails us. We rarely get involved in whatever we are
doing. We seek escape routes and we tend
to get interested in all sorts of entertainment. We keep getting scolded for whatever we do
and we interfere with others.
Playing
roles
The secret to
self-management lies in understanding our roles properly. Regularly, we must play several roles. Let us take the case of a boy. He is a son to his parents, he is a member of
his family, he is a brother to his brother or sister, he is a relative to his
relatives and most importantly he is a student.
Each role has its expectations. He
has to understand these expectations and play the role as efficiently as
possible.
As
we are unable to understand the essence of a role, we tend to do things we are
not supposed to do. It is here that not
only our energy is wasted but also everyone feels that we are not doing our
duty.
Fulfilling
expectations
Once we understand
our role, our task becomes easy. We just
have to make a list of expectations of the role we ought to play and find out
how best we can play that role. It is here
that we should pick up and learn the skills necessary for us to play the role
efficiently.
Along
with the role comes responsibility. We
must be accountable for the role we are playing. We must take responsibility for both failure
and success in playing the role. (Check out the article on ‘Who is in charge
of our Lives?’)
Sharing
responsibilities
As a member of the
family, we should share our responsibilities with our parents. At least if we can take care of ourselves,
then our parents will have much less to do at home. For instance, right from getting up in the
morning up to the time we go to sleep, we become highly dependent on our
parents. They wake us up from sleep,
tell us to get ready to go to school, sometimes assist us in getting ready,
coerce us to have breakfast, help us with our homework, scold us for watching
too much television, reprove us for always playing, and force us to go to
sleep.
We
allow them to do these things and do not take responsibility for them. This makes us highly dependent whereby we
cannot enjoy our life but wait for someone else to tell us to do our duty.
Why
do we appreciate the hero or the heroine in the film? Because they can do
justice to the roles they are playing! Similarly,
people start appreciating us and approving us once we can manage ourselves to
play the roles effectively and fruitfully.
Thus,
our internal and external behavior should be regulated by managing ourselves,
playing roles, fulfilling expectations, and sharing responsibilities. This way
our life becomes meaningful.
To know about more areas of personal development download
What more do we need in EDUCATION?
for FREE from any of your preferred international digital stores
Please do not include any spam links in the comment box.