CONFLICT RESOLUTION

            Conflicts are part of life that can’t be wished away. Not resolving a conflict might result in a greater amount of stress. Adopting specific strategies will help us in resolving conflicts efficiently.

The Mantra

We are not happy with what we have because we don’t have what we want

Once we get what we don’t have, we are still not happy because we don’t know how to be happy with what we have!

The Difference

A girl with wardrobes full of dresses is unhappy when she is invited to a function and says “I have nothing to wear!”

A girl who has only one dress is very happy when told to go to a function because she gets a golden opportunity to wear that only dress

The Necessity

Choosing a goal becomes a necessity as it is often driven by the motive and you can’t do it without making the choice

The Ability

Every second of our life, we keep choosing something or the other. Are we or are we not able to choose the desired goal or alternative?

The Stress

Conflict is a type of stress where we have to choose one goal or alternative out of many that are available

The One

Conflict arises not because of the choice but because you have to choose only one out of several other goals or alternatives

The Dress

Irrespective of how many dresses you have, you will have to choose only one set to wear!

The Cot

Whether you have one room or twenty rooms, you can sleep on one cot only!

The Job

You may receive several job offers but you can take only one!

The Atom

Whatever you buy in a mall, is as small as an atom when compared to what is available.

The Dilemma

Instead of choosing, sometimes you will have to avoid some goals or alternatives, as in a dilemma, but you need to choose one

The Discount

You don’t like the color of the dress but you don’t want to lose the huge discount on it for buying

The Friend

You don’t like the movie but your friend is insisting on taking you and you don’t want to lose the friendship

The Boss

You don’t like the boss but you don’t want to be unemployed

The Reason

Sometimes, you want the goal for some reason and at the same time you don’t want it for some other reasons

The Ride

You want to ride a two-wheeler but you are afraid of falling and getting hurt

The Reallocation

You have a great job offer but you will have to reallocate to take it up!

The Career

The matrimonial alliance looks okay on all counts but the career growth is negligible

The Skills

Other skills like Decision-making, Choosing independent goals, Differentiating Needs and Wants, and Problem-solving might help in conflict resolution

The Gain

The greatest stress in your life is to say “Win at any cost”. You have to learn to lose something to gain something

The Virtue

The virtue in conflict resolution lies in the skill of “Willing to Lose’. WILLING TO LOSE

The Explanation

Every letter in the word LOSE has an explanation

The L

Lower Expectations

We always remember what we have not chosen and missed.

Suppose we have to choose between two colors, say red and blue, and we chose red, we are more unhappy about not choosing blue. We keep thinking more about blue and remember for a long time how we missed it.

To gain something we must be ready to lose something else. We must be happy about what we have chosen rather than being unhappy about what we have not chosen.

We need to reduce our expectations from the goals we aspire for.

The O

Omit Desires

We tend to read into our choices too many things. This is why not choosing it will become quite hurtful to us. The more complicated we make the qualities of the choices, the greater will be our disappointment.

For example, at work we want everything to be perfect. The boss should be considerate, the colleagues should be kind and jovial, the visitors must be disciplined, the salary should be very high, the increments must be quite often, etc. We must understand that no job is going to be perfect and the one we have is better than not having it!

Wants and needs are okay but desires are what make us stressed.

The S

Simplify Wants

In each activity we engage in, we expect several of our wants to be satisfied. This is what leads to stress because not all of our wants can be satisfied with one activity. For instance, when I go to a movie, my only want has to be either entertainment, time passing, or learning.

When I combine all of them and also include that the direction should be good, photography ought to be excellent, acting must be up to the mark, etc., I come out dissatisfied because some wants will always remain unfulfilled. Having a simple and single want is highly tensionless.

The E

Experience Contentment

Lastly, we must learn the art of satisfaction. Whatever choice we have made, we must be happy about it. Even thinking that we made a wrong choice is going to bring a lot of stress to us.

In psychology, two forms of rationalization are used. “Sour Grapes” and “Sweet Lemon”.

The first one is picked from Aesop's Fables where a fox that tried to jump at the bunch of grapes, misses it and says that it doesn’t need it as anyway it is sour.

The second one refers to being satisfied with what we get, and accepting a lemon as sweet even when it is not.

Thus, if we can be content about what we obtain, rather than be unhappy about what we have lost, we can keep resolving our conflicts.

The END

In summary, we must learn to lose something and gain satisfaction from what we obtain. Too many expectations, desires, and wants lead us to dissatisfaction and bring friction whenever we have to make a choice. The only way to resolve conflict is to make a choice and be contended with it.

What Psychologists Don’t Talk About Choices?