Know why I am doing a series on this?

What Psychologists Don’t Talk About?

 

What Psychologists Don’t Talk About Happiness?

CONTENTS

Introduction

1. Happiness is not an unending emotion.
2. No happiness can last forever.
3. If happiness lasts forever, there is something seriously wrong happening here.
4. Happiness is a stress reaction.
5. Happiness is not the same as relaxation.
6. When you expect more from your happiness, your eustress may turn into distress.
7. Happiness, if prolonged over time can be boring.
8. Imbalance becomes a key factor and we would like to revert to normalcy as early as possible.
9. Happiness is not limitless.
10. Happiness is addictive.
11. We so desperately keep seeking change that we strive to modify the situation or path that brings us happiness.
12. Happiness is not one-sided
13. Sadness is rewarded more by society than happiness.
14. Are depressed people happy?
15. Are successful people happy?
16. Are rich people happier than others?
17. Sleep is not an indicator of happiness.
18. Happiness is not an antidote to sadness.
19. Beware of the darker side of happiness.
20. Others always give you a certificate of unhappiness.

Summary

Introduction

Who on earth doesn’t want to be happy? And why do people tend to be unhappy even when they try so much to be happy? The answer lies in what psychologists don’t talk about happiness.

Like so many concepts in psychology, happiness is also one of the most misunderstood aspects of life.

Happiness is packaged and sold so sleekly and a lay person falls for it. Psychologists truly must warn the masses and inform them about the vortex they are getting into.

My research has identified the following aspects that psychologists don’t talk about happiness.

1.           Happiness is not an unending emotion.

        Every product in the open market is advertised as if it is going to solve all our problems and provide us with everlasting happiness. People fall for it, only to find that there is another advertisement for a product that can solve this problem. And it goes on.

        Whatever your mood, you are always made to think you are unhappy. How else would companies sell their products? Until they convince you what you are lacking, you won’t decide to buy. Each advertisement says that the product it is selling is going to make you happy. In that case, those things that are already there with you should have made you happy!

2.           No happiness can last forever.

        You only have moments of happiness. Like when you go and visit a beautiful place, you share your picture to show how happy you are. People like this because they very well know it is short-lived. They congratulate you and send pleasantries. Sometimes, they may envy you. But everyone knows happiness is temporary.

3.           If happiness lasts forever, there is something seriously wrong happening here.

        Like sadness giving rise to depression, happiness can give rise to mania. So, psychologists should caution people not to be so hooked on greed and happiness.

4.           Happiness is a stress reaction.

        However, this stress is positive and is called Eustress.

        Consider the following two hypothetical instances.

        A rich young woman gets invited to a marriage party. She is under tremendous stress. She comes home and searches through her several wardrobes. Finally, she declares that ‘she has nothing to wear’.

        A poor girl gets invited to a marriage party. She is under tremendous stress. She comes home and finds the only dress that has been gifted to her. Finally, she declares that ‘she now has a chance to wear her only dress’.

        Both are under tremendous stress, but their stress reaction varies considerably. The first one feels sad, whereas the second one feels happy.

        The point I am trying to make is not the distinction between rich and poor but the way they react to stress.

        Both have stress but the young woman considers the situation as threatening. This leads to distress and consequently to negative emotions. On the other hand, the girl considers the same situation as desirable. This leads to Eustress and consequently to positive emotions of happiness.

5.           Happiness is not the same as relaxation.

        Relaxation refers to Neustress and is not an equivalent of happiness. You can’t be happy when you are relaxed: you are excited.

        The diagram below shows how stress and arousal determine the emotions we experience.

        See also, ‘How are Emotions connected to Stress?’

6.           When you expect more from your happiness, your eustress may turn into distress.

        A European arrives in a tropical country.  He is so happy to be amidst the lush green fields, the tea plantation, and the mountain. He asks the homestay owner if there are any sightseeing places. The old man replies in the negative. He later finds several places – waterfall, fort, mountain top, river, etc. quite nearby. He gets a sumptuous meal and he goes to bed quite satisfied, contented, and happy.

        Within a couple of nights, he discovers that he is always surrounded by various insects and reptiles at night. During the daytime, his serene walk in the forest is disturbed by leeches, wild dogs, and a swarm of insects. He somehow spends three nights and is about to leave when he sees another European arrive. When the latter asks him if there are any sightseeing places he replies in the negative.

7.           Happiness, if prolonged over time can be boring.

        We are bombarded with visuals where we see the rich and famous being happy partying on a yacht or at a star hotel. Do that for a couple of days and you will see how boring they can be. The swimming pool that attracted you so much earlier just becomes a fixture after some time. See ‘What is Eustress?’

8.           Imbalance becomes a key factor and we would like to revert to normalcy as early as possible.

        Consider the diagram below. Most of the time in our life, we are in the yellow zone. We move to the red or green zone depending on our perception of the situation. However, though we do not stay longer in either of these zones, we still strive to get away from the yellow zone as much as possible.

        The pull towards the red zone is greater in the modern world because we see almost every situation as threatening. Hence, we are always on the lookout for happiness. But once we reach the green zone, we hurry towards the yellow and red zones because of the reasons stated above.

9.           Happiness is not limitless.

        The threshold for happiness, though varies from person to person, does not go into infinity. People tend to do arithmetic and it becomes redundant. “If I am so happy and relaxed with so much to drink, I can increase my happiness with a little more”, is a wrong strategy psychologists should warn about.

10.           Happiness is addictive.

        So many psychologists keep working on substance abuse but if we analyze it deeply we will find that it is not the substance (alcohol, drugs, and other substances) that has been abused but happiness. We have lost many celebrities to overdose. Why should one want to be over-happy? This is a question psychologists should ask!

        “Happiness abuse” also comes in the form of racing, mountaineering, and other adventure sports, where the option is death. Digital addiction, which is becoming more prevalent, is also another form of happiness abuse.

        How many psychologists all over the world have opposed the manufacture of high-speed vehicles? Mass media is replete with instances where overspeeding kills people. However, no one is addressing the real problem as psychologists don’t talk about happiness abuse.

11.           We so desperately keep seeking change that we strive to modify the situation or path that brings us happiness.

        People have not learned to say enough when it comes to happiness. Seeking happiness is the major reason for people shifting from one situation to another. People who are addicted to smoking don’t stop there. They somehow become prey to alcohol, drugs, or other substances. Most cases of highway accidents are attributed to DUI (Driving under the Influence). If people have already been happy with one thing, why do they want to be happier?

        People who go for sightseeing are not just happy with it. They want to increase their happiness by organizing a party. And they would like to return home driving the vehicle.

        How many modern music concerts have become dens for drug abuse? If music itself can lead to contentment, why get into other means of gratification?

        Do psychologists ask these questions? Or do they not want to talk about them?

12.           Happiness is not one-sided.

        Happiness is dependent on the people around us. In addition, the situation in which we are placed can influence our state of happiness.

13.           Sadness is rewarded more by society than happiness.

        Our craving for happiness occurs mainly because people around us show sympathy only when we complain or become sad. They are very serious when we try to narrate our happiness. Anyone can try saying “The job makes me happy” at the workplace and your co-workers look at you as if something has gone wrong with you. On the other hand complain about your boss, the long hours, workload, unhygienic conditions, toxic work culture, etc. They love to support you.

14.           Are depressed people happy?

        There is no dearth of subject matter for those who keep worrying. Their happiness comes from it and they are fond of sharing their worries. To know more about ‘Why can’t we always be happy?’ See "What is Eustress?"

15.           Are successful people happy?

        Another myth propounded to make you feel deprived is that happiness is equated with success. If successful people are happy, then why are they striving for greater success? If a manufacturer selling 1000 pieces a month, sells 1200 pieces, he thinks he is happy. In case, he suddenly gets an order of 5000 pieces a month, his happiness will have no bounds. However, what he fails to realize is that if he gets to sell 1500 pieces next month, he feels he is unsuccessful and is quite unhappy. So, the situation where the 1200 pieces would have made him happy otherwise, is resulting in unhappiness. What this means is that happiness is very relative and we don’t go by the emotional state of the individual or one’s verbal report of being happy as an indicator of happiness.

16.           Are rich people happier than others?

        Material comforts or luxuries are not means of happiness. This is what we are indoctrinated about. Big business houses cannot sell their goods or services if you are happy and contented. The idea of so-called education is to fill your brain with ideas that you lack everything that can make you happy. It is this poisonous seed that has grown into a huge tree inside every individual. No one says he has got enough. Everyone wants more and more, thinking that it will give them happiness. This thought, according to me, is a direct effect of a lack of communication from psychologists. If we don’t tell them that they are being taken for a ride, how will they know? The irony is, almost all psychologists themselves are into this rut and they don’t see anything wrong in this. The objective of education (brain draining) has served its purpose!

        As if this is not enough, they came out with a concept called the “Happiness Index” to showcase that people from rich countries are happier than others. If you have not already done so, please go through the second video I have put up on ‘What psychologists don’t talk about?’ You will see how a dungeon can exist underneath glamour.

        Similar to the richness, the living conditions, status, education, etc in any way don’t affect happiness.

17.           Sleep is not an indicator of happiness.

        If you sleep well, it means that you are normal. If your stress level is high, you can’t go to sleep. As said earlier, happiness is a product of eustress and as you are excited when you are happy, you can’t go to sleep. This is the reason why the so-called happy people get into addictions (especially downers), without which they may not be able to sleep. Most addictions start with sleeping pills and gradually it is increased to other drugs. This is something no psychologist would have ever told you.

18.           Happiness is not an antidote to sadness.

        Happiness and sadness are not present on a single continuum as some people want us to believe. If you look at the first diagram above, you will find that they are on separate dimensions. One can be sad or happy, depending on the situation. Just because someone is sad doesn’t mean that they will not be happy, and vice versa.

        Not that happiness can’t remove suffering. Consider the case of mountain climbers. Once they reach the summit, the suffering, pain, and deprivation they may have gone through gets relieved. However, that satisfaction cannot be ascribed to all their other worries and problems.

People who think that they can drown their sorrow by getting intoxicated are living in a fool’s paradise. Most addicts use this as their justification. They are cheating themselves and others.

19.           Beware of the darker side of happiness.

        One thing that psychologists must talk about is how the “pursuit of happiness” has killed trillions of living beings, destroyed flora and fauna, ruined cultures and traditions, and damaged the psyche of innocent people. Genocide, Homicide, Suicide, Rape, crimes, sadistic pleasure, wars, etc. are all culprits in the pursuit of happiness. There is no need to mention that some people try to be happy at the cost of someone else’s misery.

        In addition, over time, we gradually stop exchanging happiness with our close relatives. The generation gap also comes in the way of sharing happiness.

20.           Others always give you a certificate of unhappiness.

        How much ever you feel you are contented with what you have, others – friends, relatives, neighbors, colleagues, acquaintances, even strangers – keep telling you what you have is not enough and you are not trying hard to get there. They think they are motivating you but they are inadvertently undermining you. To get a happiness certificate, you start looking out for opportunities for investment, expansion, refinement, etc.
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Summary

          I am sorry to end with a sad note, but at least this should prompt the psychologists to come out and inform people about the reality of happiness. We have glorified it enough and we have seen the destruction it has brought in. This is mainly because, a handful of people all over the world, think that it is their right to be happy at the cost of other innocent lives.

Psychologists have missed an opportunity to help humankind by not talking about happiness. Let us hope that they start conveying this message to society.

Let me just recapitulate.

Know why I am doing a series on this?

What Psychologists Don’t Talk About?

As part of my “3C” initiative – “Clean Consciousness Campaign”, -- let me take up this challenge and let everyone know what psychologists don’t talk about.

Let me know if I am wrong. I have started this series because there are hundreds of things psychologists don’t talk about. I feel that it would benefit everyone if they did so. I hope at least now, they will make a beginning.

This is an attempt to bring to the fore what has been hidden for a very long time.

Next

What Psychologists Don’t Talk About Choices?

 

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